Closing Thoughts

This summer was both challenging and rewarding.It was such a blessing to be given the platform to share about what it's like to live under Occupation in Palestine.

I felt like it was one of the most influential things I could do for my country-- to voice the plea and cry of justice and freedom of the Palestinian people to the world (specifically in Nebraska, Kansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, Virginia, Florida, and Washington)Kamp Kaleo- My guinea pigs. Thanks for being so patient with me. You guys helped me kick off the summer so well.

Camp Tawakoni-Camp Wakondaho- You all embodied the Palestinian struggle. I was amazed at how everyday someone wouldI hope that the relationship with DPF and Global Ministries and the YWCA of Palestine continues past just this summer and stretches to future projects as well.

Feeling a Tad Bit Salty...

Within the past year, a new phrase has introduced itself into my vocabulary. I’ve heard people say “Someone’s a bit salty…” over and over again. Baffling as the birth of this expression may seem, I want to take a minute to recognize that the Bible itself gives us permission to be salty.

Understanding this expression would likely lead you to think I’m referring to Matthew 21:12-17 where Jesus gets a little salty about what is going on in the holy places. “My house shall be called a house of prayer,” Jesus proclaims, “but you are making it a den of robbers” (Matthew 21:14). Yes, Jesus did indeed get a bit salty, yet this is not the passage I’m referring to.

San Francisco Bay, NAPAD Convocation

Let us then rewind to the fifth chapter of Matthew – the beatitudes. Blessed are you who are meek, Jesus says. Blessed are you who are peacemakers, Jesus says. You who mourn, you that are poor in spirit, you that are merciful and persecuted! Yes, all of you! You are blessed. Your reward is great in heaven, you will see God. You will be called children of God. Yours is the kingdom of heaven. You will indeed be comforted. Blessed are all of you!

Blessed are all of you, but who are you? Do you know who you are? Do you know your innermost self? Immediately following these wonderful verses is a command to be salty. All summer long, I’ve been leaving young people and fellow counselors on the journey with a passage I’ve been reflecting on deeply. Matthew 5:13-16 is a call to be our authentic selves, as Parker Palmer might say.

“You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.“You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under a bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.” (Matt. 5:13-16, NRSV)

Camp Christian, Ohio

Right here in scripture we are granted the authority to be salty! You might notice, however, that this is not a call to be angsty or prickly to our neighbor. No, this is a call to “let your life speak” as Parker Palmer most eloquently put it. This is most certainly a call to embrace your true self as God so wonderfully made you. This no doubt comes with periods of intense discernment and reflection with the Spirit alongside us. Our true, authentic self is… who? How do we know who our authentic self even is? Yet we are called to be that – to be the salt of the earth. To preserve what is good and true in the world by being our authentic selves, for what good are we if we do not be that which we are so uniquely made to be? If salt does not embrace its saltiness and live its authentic self, what good is it to anyone?

Yes, I believe this passage encourages to be who we truly are. A peacemaker, for example. To be the most authentic version of myself as a peacemaker, I must rely on a sermon preached to me a few years ago by Rev. Vrizola Law as part of my orientation into the XPLOR program (Disciples of Christ). She called each of us to know our story, for what good can we be in the darkest places of this world if we do not know our own light? How can we shine as a light of the world if we do not know where the light switch is? So to be a peacemaker, I must know my true inner self and my story.

My story is that of struggling with my sexual identity from a very young age. Actually, come to think of it, I didn’t struggle at all with it. It was normal to me to be gay, so to speak. It was not normal for the world, though. The world struggled with my authentic self. I fit many stereotypes applied to homosexual men. I walked different, talked different, played music instead of football, got excited over my red sequin shirt for show choir! Yes, they were and are all true of me. I had no problem with this, though. This was not my struggle – this was the struggle of society.

I internalized societies struggle, at which point it became my own. Yes, I internalized the struggle that society has accepting men who are not manly men. I tried to be that caricature for many years so that I could be accepted by society. It never truly fit, though. In fact the more that I tried to be what I wasn’t, the more ridicule I got. No, it didn’t work out at all to be what I wasn’t. So at 26, I gave in to who I am. I lived authentically.

Craig Springs, Virginia

This has empowered me to have difficult conversations all summer about the place of gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, and non-binary gender/sexuality conforming people in the church. My authentic self has allowed me to fulfil the peacemaker portion of the beatitudes in my own unique way. It only took the support of several wonderful Pastors along the way, Parker Palmer, and reflecting on one piece of scripture to come to ask myself what good am I for anyone if I cannot know my story and be my authentic self?

Oh friends, there is also danger in this passage. Great danger, to be honest. Consider how one can possibly know if we are being pulled toward an authentic self or we are being misled toward inauthenticity. Growing up Catholic, I tried for many years to be the heteronormative male ideal because the faith I learned taught that the authentic self must only be heterosexual. What a dilemma. That which was inextricably hardwired into my very core was wrong in the eyes of the church. My learned faith taught me to struggle and change it. My owned faith had the final say, however.

Bethany Hills, Tennessee

Long nights spent with God by my side in discernment of just how to be the salt of the earth or the light of the world taught me the faith I came to proclaim for myself. My relationship with God, embraced and nurtured over many years, whispered truth into my life. This, I believe, is how we come to know ourselves authentically – by relationship with God. You define God! You do that for yourself. I will not say that God needs to look any particular way. Instead I will say that you define God and be in relationship with your unique and true understanding of that which is greater than ourselves. That, I believe, is the understanding that guides us into authenticity.So as I end my time at camps, I leave you with a few reflections. You will undoubtedly come to know yourself and God in ways that no other person on earth will truly understand. Yet start with knowing your story, as the wise Rev. Vrizola Law taught me a few years ago. Continue with finding your authentic self and letting that speak truth, as Parker Palmer encourages in Let Your Life Speak. Then, reflect on the command of Jesus himself in Matt. 5:13-16. However you know Jesus and God, that knowledge is part of your authentic self. Perhaps it will be ever-changing, or perhaps not. It is that knowledge that speaks to you through this scripture. Then go out – go be salty. 

Courage to Embrace Equity

image2

A few years ago, I made my first trip to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and stood in awe next to Lake Michigan. Even before that first visit, I had always been intrigued by the Great Lakes. Then, the natural wonder that I had only ever read about became a concrete, tangible reality exposing itself to all my senses. Moving forward to this past week at Dunkirk Camp in New York, I felt an overwhelming awe once again as I sat next to one of God's most amazing natural wonders. If all of God's majesty can be found in a single grain of sand, when the paintbrush turns to create something like Lake Eerie, it can easily overwhelm the senses. As Friedrich Schleiermacher might claim, it approaches intuiting the infinite.In all the natural beauty, I found myself discerning how to make palatable a very real component of modern society - privilege. Sitting on the beach during sunset on Lake Eerie had me looking around and considering all of those individuals who cannot afford such an experience. While some camps have avenues to allowing under-privileged young people the opportunity to go to camp through scholarships, these allowances become the exception for the community they represent. How does one teach privilege when it is not just a matter of economic wealth? How does one see past the lenses of apathy and complacency created by their own privilege to find momentum to change societal structures in such a way that provides greater and more equitable opportunity? The sunset on Lake Eerie, beautiful as it was, did not answer. Instead, it provided even more questions.

Going camp to camp this summer highlights one resounding theme - camps are very Caucasian and often represent a vast majority who have the economic means or avenues of privilege to go to camp. Yes, it may be that in some situations families have worked extra hard in order to provide such an opportunity for their kids. Yes, earned income is not usually easy income and because of this, accepting privilege becomes a matter of understanding that it does not correlate to how hard one works. This means that a discussion on privilege finds barriers before it ever makes it to understanding.

Writing this blog comes from a calm, quiet reflection during mid-summer retreat. It comes from a place where I myself feel quite privileged. Looking back not just on my most immediate camp experience but to all of them thus far, I wonder what our denomination can be doing to create more equitable avenues to a true state of inclusivity. A conversation a few weeks ago continues to have me considering what it might look like for our denomination to truly diversify. Specifically, I wonder how an entire denomination is expected to diversify when that diversity does not always equate to financial sustainability at church level.

Imagine a new church start that brings in members of color and varieties of non-binary gender conforming or non-hetero normative people. Marginalization of these groups can perhaps leave the congregation as a whole financially bankrupt from the start. Yet in a movement toward churches without walls, we begin to see that this is most common in the church that exists for the marginalized and low-income. I believe sitting on the shore of Lake Eerie, I was gifted this pondering. We as a denomination can be doing more to afford opportunities to the marginalized. Our future as a denomination demands it.

Sunset at Dunkirk

My family group at Dunkirk talked about a few of these issues. This was easily the most fulfilling part of my visit. Again I was surprised by the depth of consideration young people can give during a reflection on equity and equality. If our young people can give such a consideration to these very real and tough issues, why can we not be doing more? When churches fail not because of lack of mission or membership but because of financial strain, we fail as a denomination. A church without walls, for example, can stand as a church with a minister who acts by vocation. Progressive as our denomination may be, this seems unacceptable and outdated. I believe in a vision that creates more equitable distribution of resources so that Pastors in even the most marginalized communities are sustainable. I believe in a future that allows for any and every child in our denomination to go to church camp regardless of financial disposition to afford such an opportunity. I believe, friends, that we can be doing a better job of distributing resources in a more equitable way throughout our denomination

.The young people of Dunkirk were so willing to enter this conversation. My job this summer is to inspire such conversations about society at large, but I am failing if I do not invite our entire denomination to also engage is this very conversation.  I find myself reflecting on equity when there are congregations with huge endowments and who also hold valuable idealized visions to serve the marginalized but perhaps do not know the best means to do so. I ask where there is equality without figuring out equity together as a denomination. I ask those reading this - what can you do in your home congregations to support Pastors serving by vocation and create a space for all children to experience summer camp? How might your own church help support the efforts of other financially strained churches? Are you a church that is itself financially strained? If so, what do you see as equitable for our denominational future? You, friends, are the answer(s) to these difficult questions.

As I continue my discussions this summer on privilege, I remind myself regularly that the marginalized do not have the convenience of remaining apathetic or indifferent. Nor should they ever engage in the luxury of complacency, as Martin Luther King, Jr. so eloquently stated. My hope is that those who are able to set aside these difficult conversations because they are unaffected will come realize that there are groups who cannot do so. It is for this reason we are called to care. My friends, it is for this reason we have such a peace intern program. My youthful family at Dunkirk entered this conversation with me, so I ask - will you join us in the conversation?

Blessings,
Matthew

Reflecting on Tragedy

This internship holds so many responsibilities alongside huge amounts of exciting opportunities. This blog is being authored through a welcomed exhaustion that holds with it wonderful amounts of spiritual fulfillment. Yet my heart is heavy. Peace... oh wonderful, beautiful, radical peace! Won't you be with us all?

The huge responsibility of stepping into the shoes of peace internship is to have a deep sense of just what peace actually is. Sometimes the harder we try to grasp at it, the less concrete it becomes. Inner and outer peace are wonderful ideals that we hold as this sort of end goal to achieving some type of heightened oneness or spiritual being, yet peace is hard.

As I write these words, I mourn the loss of so many who have been named in the news with the shooting in Orlando, Florida. Members of the LGBTQI community have endured a heavy and oppressive history that now includes yet one more tragedy. In the storm of this mourning, I also mourn the victims of history who were never named publically. I also still embrace peace. Perhaps peace is what prevents tragedies like this. Perhaps peace is what truly releases the heart.

I stand in solidarity with the community that I call my own. More than standing with my community, I wish I understood better how a tragedy like this could have been prevented. Was there a breakdown in inner peace? In outer peace? In being passed peace? While these questions cannot ease any sadness or change any events of the past, can they possibly create a brighter future?

As I consider these things, I hope you will also ponder them with me. Peace to you, my unknown friends. Please pass it along in some way. It only takes a spark...

Blessings,
Matthew